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Free to Be Mindful Podcast
The Three Shifts That Change How You Show Up
March 10, 2026
Ep:
303
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Shrinking isn't a confidence problem - it's a conditioning pattern. Learn three small shifts to start showing up fully.
You soften your opinions so no one feels uncomfortable. You deflect compliments before they can land. You say yes when you mean no - and then spend twenty minutes explaining the no you finally gave. This episode is about the quiet, everyday ways women make themselves smaller. And what it looks like to gently, firmly stop.
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
Why the habits that make women great - being thoughtful, accommodating, considerate — can quietly become habits of self-erasure
How shrinking shows up in the smallest moments: compliments, limits, disagreements, and the sentences we say before we say what we actually mean
The particular loneliness of women in leadership who hold space for everyone and rarely have it held for them
Why over-explaining our boundaries is often not for other people at all — it's for us
Three practical, small shifts you can begin using immediately: in how you receive appreciation, communicate limits, and speak your perspective
A guided embodied practice to rehearse these shifts before the real moments arrive
TUNE IN TO LEARN
Recognize the specific moments and patterns where you quietly shrink without realizing it
Understand why this is a conditioning pattern — not a confidence problem
Practice responding to a compliment with just two words: thank you
Set a clear limit without constructing a paragraph to justify it
Speak your perspective without a disclaimer attached
Use a short guided practice to build muscle memory around these new responses
TAKEAWAY MESSAGE
If you have been told - by your culture, your upbringing, the rooms you've been in — that being visible, certain, or direct is somehow too much, that message was never true. It was just loud. This episode is about turning down that volume and practicing, in small and honest ways, what it actually feels like to take up the space you have always been allowed to take. Listen in, try the practice, and remember… you are always free to be mindful.
REFERENCED LINKS
1. WORK WITH VANESSA (NJ MOMS): Ready to go deeper? Book a free 15-minute therapy consultation → freetobemindful.com/contact
2. Reset Experience for Moms → amigamoms.com
3. Book Vanessa for Speaking → freetobemindful.com/speaking
120 COPING SKILLS
https://www.freetobemindful.com/podcast-120copingskills
GET THE MUSE HEADBAND AT A DISCOUNT!
https://choosemuse.com/freetobemindful
Use this link to get 15% off your total when you purchase the amazing brain sensing headband that tells you when you're in a meditative state and guides you to improve your practice.
LET'S STAY CONNECTED
📊 Ready to go deeper? freetobemindful.com/contact
💛 Reset Experience for Moms: amigamoms.com
🎤 Book Vanessa for Speaking: freetobemindful.com/speaking
📸 Instagram: @counselorvdejesus
🌐 Website: freetobemindful.com
DISCLAIMER
Free to Be Mindful Podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and should not be considered as or substituted for therapy or professional help from a licensed clinician.
[00:00:00] Have you ever noticed how quickly many of us respond to a compliment with something like, "oh, it was nothing," or "I just got lucky," or my personal favorite, "oh, anybody could have done it " because apparently in that moment we're fully committed to the idea of yes, literally any random person on the street could have done exactly what we just did. Truly a masterclass in humility, right?
Or maybe when someone asks you to do something, when you genuinely don't have the capacity to do it, and instead of saying no, you launch into something that feels like a full on TED Talk, and you've got bullet points, you've got a timeline, supporting evidence. You're practically offering to reschedule your entire calendar and submit a written proposal just to explain why you can't attend an optional meeting on a Thursday afternoon.